Lost Diary of Abraham Lincoln

April 14, 1865

Dear Diary,

Things are going pretty well here, life as the president is about as drab as the way I dress. Mary Todd and I are going to see some bullshit play at Ford's Theater tonight. She's always dragging me to these things. I already asked too, and she said there would be no tits in it. I mean come on. I swear that bitch will be the death of me. I'm thinking of shaving my beard, what do you think diary? I mean, I don't want to be remembered as the tall president with a beard, oh well at least no one can ever suspect I'm gay, right? I saw a pretty big badger today. That was the highlight. How sad is that? I really wish something exciting would happen, you know switch things up a bit. I wish there was a game on tonight. Oh well, that will be invented soon huh? Well I gotta go, Mary Todd will not shut up (probably pissed off because she has a man's name for a middle name, between you and me diary, I think she may be you know....) Well, I'm sure I'll write you tomorrow, I can't think of any reason why I wouldn't. Laterz.

Abey Baby