Pick-up Lines that Don't Work in an Old Folks Home

1. Excuse me, I can't help but notice how good you are with your gums.
2. You must be exhausted, you have been on your Hover Round in my head all day.
3. Does the carpet match the drapes?
4. Do you want to come over some time and talk about the internet?
5. You know, I used to pull the pud while watching the Golden Girls.
6. So you're a World War II widow huh? I bet that gets pretty lonely...
7. Do you come here often? (Particularly bad for those with Alzheimer's)
8. You already take Penicillin everyday? Then we don't even need a condom.
9. I must have died and gone to Heaven, because I just evacuated my bowels.

Day to Day

Today, after taking out the trash, I noticed a homeless man looking through it. Maybe he was looking for food, maybe he was trying to steal my identity. I will never know. When I approached him and said: "Excuse me sir, what are you looking for?" he got all choked up and couldn't answer. Probably because I had collapsed his Trachea.

People Bruce Wayne Could Beat Up

Your Dad

Sure he is sitting there, looking kind of tough with his gut hanging out, inevitably wondering why he married your mother. And you might have had those fights with kids on the playground about whose dad could beat the other one's up. But the fact of the matter is, he thought your kindergarten art was terrible, your pitching form leaves much to be desired, and you don't even want to know how much his heart died when you wrote him a sensitive poem for father's day (I mean come on, you Mary). So the real question is, why shouldn't Bruce Wayne punch your dad so hard that his socks fly out of his sandals, and his fanny pack full of maps and zinc oxide comes off? The fight would be shorter than your dad's attention span for your 4th grade play.