People Bruce Wayne Could Beat Up

Your Dad

Sure he is sitting there, looking kind of tough with his gut hanging out, inevitably wondering why he married your mother. And you might have had those fights with kids on the playground about whose dad could beat the other one's up. But the fact of the matter is, he thought your kindergarten art was terrible, your pitching form leaves much to be desired, and you don't even want to know how much his heart died when you wrote him a sensitive poem for father's day (I mean come on, you Mary). So the real question is, why shouldn't Bruce Wayne punch your dad so hard that his socks fly out of his sandals, and his fanny pack full of maps and zinc oxide comes off? The fight would be shorter than your dad's attention span for your 4th grade play.

People Bruce Wayne Could Beat Up

Herbert Hoover

You might be asking yourself, "why would Bruce Wayne beat up the 31st president?" To you I pose this question: "shut up." It's a well accepted fact among political pundits that Herbert Hoover was not only a jerk, he was a bit of a nancy. It was common knowledge that he wore a garter under his suits believing it added to his raw sexual magnetism. Not only that, I think we can all agree that Mr. Hoover was single handedly responsible for the Great Depression, and the vacuum I had that bore his name breaking when I was a sophomore. All in all, it's not so much a question of whether or not Bruce Wayne could beat him up, it's more of a why not, and the answer is: no reason.

People Bruce Wayne Could Beat Up

This week, the answer is a class of 3rd graders, for the following reasons:

1. They are small, look at the group of kids above, Bruce Wayne could rip them in half like pieces of paper. Paper that would be better used to write home notes to parents about how their kids were beaten up.


2. Eventhough they outnumber Bruce Wayne, it seems that whenever people fight Batman, they wait their turn; I can only assume this would be true for Bruce Wayne as well.


3. Fact: 3rd graders are a bunch of Nancies.


4. Mrs. Mappleton spends more time teaching them lies about Columbus and arithmetic than she does fighting and marksmanship.


5. Little Eric is a fat turd.

People Bruce Wayne Could Beat Up

This week, the answer is Mahatma Ghandi, for the following reasons:

1) Ghandi is dead.